Still Learning...

I'm still learning all that it takes to be a teacher. Being a teacher is more than just the lesson planning, the learning goals, the MLRs, the Initial Teacher Certification Standards, in all, a teacher is more than the responsibilities each day. Today, I learned a lot about finding the fun in teaching.

After my observation today, my field supervisor told me that I plan well and my lessons are good for a beginning teacher. She said that the kids were having fun and are engaged. The only person not having fun is me. My field supervisor told me something that made me see teaching in a completely different light. She said, "Jena, you are going to be a crappy teacher if you lose sight of you." At first it took me a minute to realize what she meant. At some point there is a fine line between preparing to be a good teacher and over preparing to the point that you are doing more harm than good.

Student teaching has consumed every last minute of my free time. I spend so much time planning and preparing for my lessons that everything else that means anything to me has come second. It's kind of ironic that all of the time, all of the energy put into planning and preparing is actually making me a crappier teacher. I can see it too, especially when all of the reasons that I wanted to teach are slowly disappearing. The fun, the creativity, the excitement--all of that is being replaced by stress and unhappiness with the job I am doing and teaching is becoming a burden. One of the biggest reasons for me wanting to teach was having a job where I got to hang out with kids all day while finding creative ways to make learning fun. Somewhere along the way it became less about having fun and hanging out with the kids and more about the planning. Planning is only a small fraction of the puzzle. The kids are more important.

Everything made even more sense, and I felt much better, after talking with my mentor teacher. My mentor said that if you can't have fun in teaching, then this becomes just a job. My mentor has been trying to tell me that I need to be proud of the work that I am doing and trust that I am doing fine. On the first day of my placement he said, in Middle School you either have what it takes or you don't. I was terrified that I didn't have what it takes. However, my mentor told me that whether I like it or not, middle school suits me. I have found my place. So now that I can stop stressing about whether or not I can do this and I can focus on just having fun. My mentor said to me that I already have the planning down, so instead I need to spend the next four weeks having fun with these kids and enjoy what I am doing! I needed that reassurance that I am doing an alright job. Now I can relax and for the first time in a long time I am really looking forward to these next four weeks :)